Yep. We’re going there today. That place you don’t want to go.
The F word. Feelings.
If I had a dime for every client who told me ( and every time I still think) that their feelings would overwhelm them, well, I’d have a shit ton of dimes!
That’s part of the reason we are terrified of our feelings. It’s as if we believe that to give in to our sadness or our rage or our heartbreak would be to open a Pandora’s Box we could never shut again. That the tsunami of emotion would take us under and we would never recover. Many clients have shared that they know if they start to cry, they will never stop. Ever.
For most of us, there is such a backlog of unfelt stuff living in our bodies that we may cry for a really, really long time. But we will stop. And we will be all the freer for having had the courage to let the emotions up for air.
Here’s the thing about feelings- they don’t go away simply because we refuse to acknowledge them. They sit in our psyches and wait for the day we are in enough pain that we will turn toward them and inquire about them, as a loving parent inquires about their child’s day. So hear them.
Because if we are willing to listen, they have such rich gold for us to mine. They carry such beautiful, tender messages about ourselves and what we hold dear. And they will be our North Star, guiding us on our path.
So let’s take a look at the meaning behind some of our wise, Divine feelings.
Sadness and grief- Our sadness tells us that we have lost something or someone important or meaningful to us. It does not even have to be a concrete thing. It can be the loss of an idea or a dream. It lets us know that something we have had our whole heart in is no longer with us at all, or that is has changed form in some way. Sadness informs what matters to us. What we cherish and want more of.
Anger/Blame- Blame is actually a watered down version of anger. Blame tells us that there is more intensity to what we are feeling but we are not quite ready to feel it yet. Until we are, blame is a placeholder for the depth of our wounding and rage. And when the rage comes, it is a sign that something or someone we love is being threatened. Something we hold dear and precious to us is in danger, so anger gives us a sword to protect it. And often what is in danger is our own self regard and devotion. Anger informs us of where we need take a fierce stand in our lives. If we are unable to access out anger, we will never know when we are being mistreated.
Fear- When we are afraid, it is out bodies way of telling us that there is potential danger here. Sometimes, our bodies are right on, If we are being followed by a stranger down a dark street, our intuitive selves know that something is not quite right and we need to be aware and vigilant. Other times, our brains perceive threats are not actually there. This happens most often when we consider making big changes in our lives. Fear manufactures all kinds of reasons and excuses why we can’t possibly start therapy or get healthy. And if we actually make an attempt, fear will tell us why it won’t work. It is vital to distinguish between real, embodied fear, and when our brains think they are helping us by keeping us comfortable, small and safe.
Loneliness- Our loneliness is a signal that we are craving connection with ourselves or others. You know how you binge on Netflix, Ben and Jerry’s or a good shopping spree? Those are all ways you separate from your own heart. And when you are separate from your heart, the seat of your emotions, you feel lost. Sit with yourself. Listen to your breath. And ask you heart what is has for you in this moment. Then share your heart with (safe) people. Let them in to your inner world, and be curious about theirs. Hear their stories. Tell them yours. And receive the healing this brings you. We are hard wired to be in relationship with each other. Allow this connection to be medicine for you soul.
Envy/Jealousy– Envy’s message is that someone has something we ( think) we want. We get jealous because we believe we can’t have it. That true love or success or whatever the thing is, is possible for everyone else, but not us. What if we let yourself want it anyway? What if we let our heart want what it truly wanted even if we don’t see how it could ever happen for us? Your envy is confirmation that you actually desire it no matter what.
Happiness/Joy- I know. It’s much easier to access these two because, well, they feel good. Even though they are not painful, they still have important message for us a well. Happiness and joy let us know that we want more of what we are experiencing. That we are on the right path and our choices are in alignment with who we truly are. They inform us of our aliveness and vitality because they are a full expression of our heart. Some people actually have trouble connecting with joy for this very reason. They were shushed as children and told to calm down and act their age when they dared to get excited. I say, blow the fucking roof off the place anyway.
Of course, this is not an exhaustive list of all the feels. But it is enough to give you a jumping off point of inquiry. So, the next time one of your sacred emotions bubbles up to the surface, let it. Ask about it. Invite it in for tea. See what it wants to tell you about yourself. What would change for you if you made this a practice? How would you show up differently for yourself and others if you surrendered to the intuitive knowings of your heart?
I would feel so happy if you comment and let me know!