“I knew I shouldn’t have slept with him” she told me by way of hello as we started our session.
I asked her how she knew. What did she feel in her body that had let her know being intimate with this man was not a good idea.
She described a voice that told her ” Stop. Wait. You don’t really have any information about this man. All you are really sure of is that you enjoyed spending the afternoon with him.”
And then a deeper sense of knowing that he could not hold her emotionally in the way she wanted or needed.
And yet she skipped over her internal warning anyway.
First, raise your hand if you can relate to this at all.
Yep. Me too.
Second, this is not a blog about how your intuition will not lead you astray, and how it would serve you to listen to her.
That’s absolutely true and that’s not where we are going today.
Where we are going is about how not listening impacts our relationship to ourselves.
What I see very often is that when we don’t trust what we know to be true in our hearts, we want to blame the other person. We tell ourselves that we were wronged or owed an apology or treated poorly.
Maybe we were and maybe an apology is in order.
But what I actually believe is more accurate is that we need to apologize to ourselves first. We were the ones who treated ourselves poorly to begin with. We are the ones who betrayed ourselves by not heeding the call of our inner knowing in the first place.
Any time that we act in a way that is out of alignment with our deepest selves, we start to lose trust in our ability to respond appropriately, set necessary boundaries, and take good care of ourselves in relation to others.
The more we do this over time, the more our relationship with ourselves erodes.. We become less capable and trustworthy in our own eyes. And as a result, we become more and more dependent on other people to be perfect to take up our own lack of accountability for ourselves. We get angry and hurt and disappointed in other people because we fail to recognize how we are hurting or disappointing ourselves.
I know. This sucks. I don’t like it one bit either.
But if we can embrace this concept, we are able to start turning toward the one person who can make it different for us: US!.
When we start to take full responsibility for the ways in which we lie to, deceive, dismiss, and betray ourselves, we can turn toward our inner beings and apologize. We can ask them for forgiveness.
We can take a fierce stand to stop abandoning ourselves in the very moments we most need to self partner. We can do the work to heal the parts of us ourselves that believe we don’t have another choice.
This is the only way ( I know of) to repair the fractures in our psyche. We realize that we were the ones who created them all long, and we are the only ones with the ability to restore ourselves to wholeness.
And this is truly where our power lies.