This is a love letter from the depths of my soul to the depths of yours. It may not feel like that when you read my words, which are raw, unfiltered truth. They are not convenient or pretty, or designed to make you feel good. But then again, real compassion is not always pleasant and palatable. Sometimes it’s ass-kicking and fire. If you’re ready for real, read on.
I tried to break this to you you gently, I really did. I lovingly let you know about the contraction that happens before the expansion. About the fear that will come up for you when you decide to make a huge change in your life. And why that is the exact moment you need to take fierce action.
But you’re not hearing me.
You still think you have time.
You still think you can get around to doing your inner work when you get around to it, if at all.
You still believe that other things in your life are more important and deserve your attention more than the painful fracture in your relationship with yourself.
You still believe you can out-run, out-busy out-numb and out- think your misaligned, severed, disconnection with yourself, with your essence, your soul.
And I’m sick of it. I’m sick of beautiful, talented, amazing women being watered-down, one dimensional versions of themselves in service to the belief that they are broken, defective, flawed and damaged.
Not on my watch. The gloves are off and here’s what I have to tell you.
QUIT FUCKING AROUND!!!!
You heard me. Stop it with the bullshit excuses about how this isn’t the right time, or you need to handle this issue first, or you just have too much going on and you will deal with yourself once life settles down.
NEWSFLASH: LIFE IS NOT SETTLING DOWN BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT DEALING WITH YOURSELF.
But why should I care about my inner work, you ask yourself. I’m getting by. I’m fine. Sure, my life is not really how I want it, but whose is? We all have to compromise and sacrifice, right?
Let’s break that shit down and take a closer look at the cost of your inaction, of your complete apathy toward yourself, of your perpetual stall tactics, of your insistence on a half ass existence.
Every second you run from yourself, you are dying. Maybe it’s a slow, creeping, insidious death, or perhaps it’s lightning bolt quick and thunderous roar loud. But make no mistake about it. Stop sugar-coating it and pretending it’s not happening. For fuck’s sake, call it what it is.
You. are. dying.
You are dying physically. There is an undeniable connection between your physical health and your willingness to explore your internal world. You know those headaches, or back issues? That nagging stomach problem? There’s a good chance they are from unprocessed emotions you don’t want to deal with. It’s soul sickness masquerading as physical illness.
And that low level fatigue and lack of energy you are complaining about and hope will magically disappear? It’s the price you pay for self-exile.
You are dying spiritually. You are lonely to the depths of your core, even with other people around because you think it’s weak to let other people know you aren’t perfect and need help. You may look good on the outside, but you are a dried up husk of a woman on the inside. You feel chronically unsupported and misunderstood and you keep relationship hopping, or job hopping because you really believe it’s about the other people in your life who just don’t give you what you need. It’s not. It’s about your damaged, splintered relationship with yourself.
QUIT FUCKING AROUND!
Your Life Is Waiting.
You are dying emotionally. You are trying to bury your truth so deeply inside and make your feelings invisible. You are deadening yourself and extinguishing your fire. You are trying to be polite when you should be ferocious. You are trying to side step your powerful intuition and instincts to accommodate, placate, please, and comply. Is it any wonder that you feel burnt out, blocked, lacking in creativity and passion? Are you surprised you feel muzzled, gagged and fucking furious? Why would you think for one second that you could be decisive, clear and robust when you are doing everything in your power to strangle your vitality and life force?
You are dying financially. Let’s be honest here. How much money have you spent over the years on material things to help you feel worthy, complete and whole? How much have you shelled out trying to put a band aid on a gaping flesh wound? Massages, crystals, oils, manicures, pedicures, tarot card readings, self help books, courses, workshops you name it, all skirting around the edges of your relationship with yourself, with your fire, with your true power. It’s nice, it’s pretty and pleasant, and very socially acceptable. But it’s not deep enough to excise and heal the wounds you have and you know it. This is not about self care; it’s about self-ressurrection.
You are dying relationally. Your relationships with everyone in your life-spouse, partner, children, friends, family, co-workers are suffering from your inertia. You are too nice, you anticipate people’s needs, you avoid conflict, you take responsibility for things that are not yours, you say yes to things you don’t want to out of fear, obligation and guilt, And you are fucking pissed about it. You feel depleted, drained and victimized. Then you finally decide you have had enough. You lose your shit. You yell. You rage. People ask what is wrong with you. And you start to ask yourself that too. Then comes the guilt and the shame that strong arm you back into your meek, passive place. It’s a vicious cycle of implosion and explosion. You are inauthentic and lack transparency in your relationships because you let anything and everything matter more than you. You allow other people and their needs, desires and agendas to be more important than getting to the heart of why you show up this way in the world.
THIS. IS. LIFE. AND. DEATH. QUIT FUCKING AROUND.
Obviously, I don’t have the power to make you do anything, And even if I did, I would not want it. But what I can do is stop turning the other cheek. I can quit cosigning your bullshit. I can refuse to be complicit in your denial that you are not hurting yourself. That your inaction and ambivalence does not have life draining, soul shattering consequences for you and those you hold dear.
So now you know.
You have been told.
And if you recognize yourself in my words, good. I hope you are pissed off or moved somehow to get off your ass and make yourself a priority. You have been asleep far too long. It’s time for you to wake up. You are paying for your unconsciousness with your life.
Here’s what I want you to do:
Print out this journal page and get honest about where you’ve been fucking around in your life. Do it now. Remember, your life is waiting!
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